Guys, seriously, I know how to do this. I've installed Linux on random PCs for decades. It's not my first rodeo.
Once you turn the century it starts to get annoying when people's default stance to legit compatibility issues becomes to affect condescending patience at you. I knew how to set up a dual boot (I chose not to, instead directly booting from an external drive, which works just fine and allows you to revert by just yanking it out), I knew how to find support (the guides don't match because the laptop family I was using needs specific libraries and kernel modifications and my model is relatively rare so the tutorials aren't meant for it specifically).
I swear, the Linux community, such as it is, thinks that everybody backing off is some technically illiterate rando and mostly scared of UX differences and typing terminal commands. That's really not the case. All available Linux DEs are extremely easy to parse for both Windows and MacOs users, being able to copy/paste text to take semi-complex actions instead of digging through the visual interface saves some time and the total normies that could use this type of feedback aren't trying to do this in the first place. It's fine.
I'll try again next time I have a disposable computer that has some specific plug-and-play distro ready to go. Maybe. If I feel like it. And if I need tech help with it, I'll gladly ask. For now, though, this particular machine is back to Windows because the troubleshooting is more of a hassle than the transition is an improvement. That's the beginning and the end of this conversation, really.