I used distro "ShouldWork" and GPU "ShouldBeSupported". And given that it didn't work and wasn't supported, I didn't keep troubleshooting it, because I already have a OS install that works and requires no troubleshooting.
I would love a one click install for each of my specific devices that is reliable out of the box, but that's not the world we live in, so in this timeline that computer is back to Windows now.